Momentomori
by Reina Antilles
Summary: A story expanding upon the relationship between Wedge Antilles of Rogue Squadron and the lovely Reina Faleur that begins in the Dark Horse graphic novel, Mandatory Retirement.
1. Default Chapter

_**Momentomori by Reina Antilles**_

**MAIN CHARACTERS: **

Captain Wedge Antilles-Rogue Squadron

Lieutenant Commander Reina Faleur Antilles-Medicinal Botany & Exogeology. She is also a traditional healer. I gave her a promotion and she has since left the Quartermasters Corps.

**DISCLAIMER: **

This story was created for my own amusement while I was doing an internship in a nameless midwestern city. It will not be sold and the author recognizes the original genius upon which this story is based (Lucas, Stackpole, Dark Horse Comics, LFL, etc.). Characters from various SW related sources, timelines and my imagination might appear in this fic—you've been warned!

**CHAPTER SUMMARY:**

Reina returns home from a successful and dangerous exploration with big news, but Wedge is nowhere to be found.

_**This is my first fanfic. Please read and review. Thank you!**_

Absent was the excited chatter so typical among exploration teams returning home from a successful mission with ship, crew and cargo intact. Instead, on this vessel, over the groan and complaint of the engines, there was only silence. The excitement and relief everyone had felt as they entered uncontested space had now been ungraciously replaced by exhaustion and impatience. The ship's cabin, crammed with personnel, gear, equipment and cargo seemed to be growing smaller by the minute, as they endured a bone-jarring and dispiriting re-entry. They sat face-to-face and shoulder-to-shoulder uncomfortably confined on two narrow benches in a vessel built neither for their comfort nor their protection, subject to the twin tyrannies of pinched gut and pounding heart. The Exogeology and Medicinal Botany Survey and Exploration Teams (ESET/MEBSET) were returning to home base on Brentaal IV from a job well done.

In the cockpit, Lt. Commander Antilles skillfully piloted the space-weary vessel into the hangar, cut her engines and under the direction of the signalmen, guided the old bird to what could be its final resting place. The vessel was so ancient that no one bothered to call it by its registered name, but by one it had long since come to earn, the _Jury Rig_. It should have been put out of its misery long ago but some forward thinking soul had saved it from oblivion. Now, it was serving a useful and unexpected purpose. Too old to be considered a threat by its outward appearance and apparently lacking the ability to defend itself, the _Jury Rig_ allowed xSET teams to conduct surveys, collect core samples and extract raw materials for the Alliance, right under the nose of the Empire or whatever was left of it. It had gotten the job done and was now delivering its crew and cargo safely home, frayed wires, frayed nerves and all.

A collective sigh of relief was heard throughout the cabin after they parked. Thoughts of the scientists, specialists and crew alike were about the comforts of home. Home sweet home was where the fleet was, where their base was, where they were told it was. And the meteor storm they'd escaped from with their lives and the ship that had harrowingly ferried them through it, without a doubt, was not home.

"Oh, I could kiss the permacrete! I want a palatable meal, real caf, a hot shower, my own bed and a bunkmate with undeveloped scent glands who doesn't snore. Too much to ask, do you think, Reina?"

Reina Faleur Antilles, leader of this mission, turned and smiled triumphantly at her co-pilot, colleague and childhood friend, Arlen Win. "No, not too much to ask. Congratulations on a successful mission, Arlen." She extended a hand to him formally.

"And to you Commander!" he said as both his hands warmly enveloped hers. Arlen could see past her relief and exhaustion and noticed that Reina seemed distracted and not completely of a mind to fully enjoy her success.

Reina sighed softly. "Now, all I want to do is see my husband again. I just want him to hold me in his arms, kiss me and tell me that he loves me." Reina was thinking out loud, something she might have been more careful of had Arlen been her only confidant.

"Hold? Kiss? Wedge! Antilles, I could think of a dozen different things I'd like to do to a man like that with holding and kissing not being near the top of my agenda. After all the time you two have been apart…I really think you need to get more of an imagination…especially if you want to hang on to him." The carelessly outspoken crewmember who had entered the cockpit unannounced mumbled the very last bit of her comment to Reina.

"Humph! That's not all she needs to get," Arlen commented as he took the datapad listing the ship's manifest being offered to him. "I know exactly what you need to get, Reina." Both Arlen and the crewmember laughed heartily.

Perturbed, Reina replied, "How would you know what I need, either of you?" She was caught off guard by the nature of their comments and their willingness to freely share a laugh at her expense.

"Well," Arlen continued on boldly, "don't let me have to guess. Tell me and I'll fulfill your wildest dreams. I promise!"

The crewmember was wise enough to slip out, leaving the two of them alone.

"Thank you, no. I think I already have someone willing and able to do that for me. And Arlen," she added with careful phrasing sharp enough to pierce an ego of durasteel, "Never promise more than you can perform!"

"You're welcome," he said, nudging her while pretending to ignore her barbed comment.

"Hmmm?" Reina was staring straight ahead straining for a glimpse of Wedge_. Surely, he would have gotten word of my arrival_, she thought. _You promised to meet me. You promised! You told me that nothing could keep you away. Nothing! Where are you, my love? Why are you not here? What has happened?_

"I stopped listening after you said 'thank you'." Arlen was leaning slightly against her now. "Any time. Any place. Always at your command," he whispered in her ear, hoping to get her full attention.

"Dream on, Lieutenant!" Reina said in a hushed tone that belied her growing anxiety as she pushed him away.

Wedge was nowhere in sight. She continued to scan the hangar for a glimpse of her husband. _Where are you!_ Reina sighed and turned her attention to Arlen and the control panels before she stood up to leave the cockpit to say a few words to the crew.

"Looks like that's about all I can do." Arlen swiveled his seat around and slouched down in his seat, looking dejected.

"Someone like you? Now, look at who needs to get an imagination." Reina said while looking back at him as she prepared to step out. Her efforts to conceal her private distress from him did not go unnoticed. He longed to see her smile earnestly and to hear her laugh again. His eyes followed her sadly as she left the cockpit. He turned back to the console, picked up the datapad and began tapping away on it. He stopped working as soon as Reina began to address his colleagues and crewmates in the cabin.

"Remember people," Reina said to her teams, "debriefing and presentation to command staff at the top of the hour. After that, whatever is left of today day and the next is your own. Enjoy it and thanks for being partners in a difficult yet incredibly successful mission. Great job everyone!"

To that someone cried out, "Last one off is a rotten Krayt Dragon's egg!"

Everyone grabbed at their gear and started to head out. The cabin emptied out in minutes as they filed past Arlen in haste. But, Reina, he noticed, unlike everyone else, was making her way back towards the crew's quarters.

Arlen decided to wait for her, but after a few minutes he called out to her. "Reina, are you coming?" When he got no response he decided to check on her.

He was surprised to find her lying prone on her bunk, sobbing like a broken-hearted schoolgirl.

"Reina, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

She didn't want Arlen to see her like this but she wasn't able to compose herself as quickly as she would have liked. He sat down carefully beside her and he whispered, "Reina, honey, what is it?"

"It's nothing. I just need some time…some privacy. I just want to be alone." She was barely able to choke the words out.

"I won't leave you here like this," he protested gently. "Come on," he said as he rested a hand lightly on her back, "tell me what's wrong. What's troubling you? What's been troubling you? I hope it wasn't what I said earlier. I was just teasing you. You must know that I didn't mean anything by it. Has something happened?"

"No, I'm just feeling a little emotional right now. I'll be okay." Yet she continued to sob.

"Emotional, about what? Coming home?"

She shook her head no and turned to look at him. "Wedge is not here. I'm…I just want to see him and be with him. He told me he would be waiting for me. I'm just worried…the fact that he's not here… Something must have happened…" Reina sat up with her back to the wall and hugged her knees. She looked Arlen in the eye briefly and started sobbing again as her whole body shook.

Arlen didn't fully understand. Reina was saying that she was worried about Wedge yet he felt that she was acting as if she was very deeply hurt. It was as if Wedge, by not showing up, had abandoned her completely. Arlen felt as if her emotional dam had finally burst. He should have given her the privacy she wanted, but couldn't bring himself to leave her side.

"It's okay, Reina. Take your time. I am here for you." He waited for her to compose herself.

She sat up straight, wiping her eyes. "Look, it's been a stressful trip and my emotions are getting the best of me. We have the briefing in about a half hour and I just can't think straight." She leaned back against the wall and looked at him while tears continued to stream down her face.

"Did something happen between you two before you left?"

"It's what didn't happen between us that's the problem. That and the fact that I know he is going to be furious about this mission, since I went to great lengths to see that he was kept in the dark about certain details. Perhaps he already knows and that's why he's not here."

"He could just be busy, you know." Arlen put both hands on her shoulders. "Got an idea! Let's hop on a personnel transport and go see if his fighter is here in the hangar. We'll probably see someone who'll know his whereabouts if he's not nearby. Maybe he's just tied up in a meeting, conducting sims or chewing out a Rogue or something. It's not like it's o' dark-thirty and he got nothing but time on his hands. He's probably just very busy."

"That's a thought but I can go alone." She sniffled.

"No, you're upset. We'll go together. Come on." He coaxed, taking her hand and squeezing it gently. "You'll feel better knowing otherwise it'll be on your mind throughout the meeting. Someone will definitely know where he is if we can't find him."

Arlen gave Reina some time to freshen up. They left their belongings on board and prepared to head out.

Arlen watched Reina as they rode over together on the small open transport vehicle. She had seemed so confident during their month-long mission, but now she seemed vulnerable, making her all the more appealing to him. He suspected that she had been holding something back from him during the mission. And sometimes, particularly during downtime, she seemed so sad. He remembered that he had overheard her bunkmate say that Reina often cried in her sleep. Or, was it that she cried herself to sleep; he was no longer sure. They had had at least a half dozen awkward conversations where he tried to gently encourage her to confide in him. He finally gave up at the risk of pushing her away. In spite of their long friendship, he'd almost come to accept it, until today. At least he now knew that, whatever the problem was, it had to do with Wedge. _Lucky man_, he thought.

The transport driver stopped in front of the Rogue Squadron fleet to let them off. Both Reina and Arlen thanked her kindly. Arlen offered his arm to Reina to assist her in stepping off and she took it, clinging tightly. Obviously, she was very anxious about seeing Wedge again. But, Arlen wondered why it was anxiety rather than excitement.

As soon as they arrived, they saw that Wedge's X-wing was safely grounded, freshly painted and looking in top condition. In fact, its condition made it stand out from the rest of the fleet, complete with recently added kill marks. Obviously, Wedge hadn't been twiddling his thumbs while Reina was away. Wedge's astromech, _Mynock_, peeped wildly at the unexpected visitors. The acknowledgement made Reina smile briefly. But, Reina's grip on Arlen's arm didn't loosen at the sight of her husband's fighter. Arlen silently acknowledged this. His heart was breaking for her and he hoped that there would be no bad news.

They spotted Koyi Komad, the squadron's brainy and beautiful Twi'lek chief technician atop Hobbie's heavily damaged craft, busily making repairs. She stopped her work to acknowledge them. There was no point in trying to speak; only a Wookiee's throaty roar could be heard over the din in that part of the hangar. Arlen mouthed, "Wedge?" to her. Koyi shook her head and shrugged her shoulders indicating that he was not in the vicinity and she didn't know where he was.

"Well," said Arlen, "his fighter is here and in ship-shape, so he's got to be around here somewhere. He's probably in a meeting. I notice that I don't see any of the other Rogues hanging around…looking aimless," he added with derision. "We could check with the deck officer on duty."

"No, that's okay, Arlen. Thank you. Thank you for coming with me. I think I really needed your strength."

Arlen grinned broadly. "Feeling better now?"

"A little," she said shakily. "Do I look like I've been crying?"

He stopped her, putting both his hands on her shoulders, "You're still crying. What do you think?"

"Oh, great!" she said as she tried to wipe the tears from her eyes discreetly. But she knew that after a mission, if you were fortunate enough to feel even slightly embarrassed by your own tears, you were the lucky one. This was true if you were crying for a lost loved one or simply for yourself because you'd lost a loved one. And it certainly didn't appear as if she'd lost Wedge.

"Come on. Cheer up. You'll soon see him." He put his hand on her back as if to gently propel her towards the xSET conference room. "Let's not be late. We have a bit of a walk to the meeting room. And if you thought that I had exhausted my supply of bad jokes during the mission, well…I am a bottomless pit and you're a captive audience," he said in an attempt to lighten things up.

"Oh no, then I may start bawling my eyes out again," she said with a sniffle and a weak smile. He offered his arm and she took it again but this time did not hold on so tightly.

With her friend's support, Reina's mood began to improve as she started to reframe her situation. She fidgeted through the debriefing, but happily partook in the commendations to members of her team. By the time it was all over, she felt proud, relaxed and relieved.

After speaking with her superiors, Reina headed back to the _Jury Rig_ to get her belongings. She had been enjoying the few moments of solitude when a voice called out to her. It was Tycho Celchu, Wedge's first. He had three fresh-faced recruits trailing behind him, just barely able to keep up. He stopped and told them that he would meet up with them in the locker room. They continued on, but at a more leisurely pace.

"Reina! Welcome back!" He gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. In spite of being in the midst of running recruits ragged, he looked as polished as ever. "I am so glad that you made it safely home. You've done us a great service. Congratulations to you…to you and Wedge…especially to you-twice over! Well-done!" He winked at her.

"About Wedge…have you seen him? I have been looking around—"

"Reina, I am sure that he's around somewhere. Look, I've got to get going. It's best if I don't let those three out of my sight for too long. They are the Sith's workshop! Glad they're on our side…I think." He gave her another hug and kiss on the cheek and was off.

Reina was beginning to feel a little suspicious. It was a mild suspicion, but something worth noting. Wedge was nowhere to be found. And even Tycho claimed not to know where he was, but there was something else. Tycho was being evasive. It was in his eyes. He could barely maintain eye contact with her. And she had gotten to know him pretty well. Back in the days when she was in the Quartermaster's Corps, she'd bent the rules more times than she could remember in the Squadron's favor. Over time, while dealing mostly with Tycho, he'd come to owe her a huge favor. She often asked him about Wedge, but Tycho never took the hint, so one day she decided to be bold and make her desires known. Tycho owed her a favor and Captain Wedge Antilles would be the only acceptable deliverable. Tycho was a man of his word and it wasn't long before Wedge was holding her in his arms on the dance floor of the Officer's Club. She'd complimented him on his natural talents while there, but she was really wondering about what other talents the Captain had on offer, where in a tender intimacy, she could enjoy the pleasure of being held in his arms again. It was a while before she found out, but she recalled, definitely, definitely worth the wait. Reina smiled at the memories as she made her way to the _Rig_. The dark feeling of foreboding she'd had earlier was beginning to dissipate.

She boarded the _Rig_ and picked up her scant few personal belongings plus a large geode that she was going to cut and finish for Wedge's office. All tools, equipment and cargo would be delivered to the appropriate science labs tomorrow. Arlen would see to that.

Being back on the _Rig_ made her remember some of the more interesting moments of the trip and those were usually the personal ones. She'd managed to put on some weight while she was on board. _Oh, if Wedge could see how snugly my flightsuit is fitting these days!_ And she'd suffered stares and comments from interested members of the crew. She remembered one crewman in particular who boldly stated that he would be at her beck and call if she ever needed help pulling her zipper up…or down. Funny, she never saw him again after that and she thought he was kind of cute. She giggled to herself as she prepared to deboard the outmoded vessel.

However, once outside of it, her thoughts drifted to Wedge again as she made her way through the noise and confusion that immediately engulfed her. She trekked past battle-blasted vessels, dodged small armies of gonking power droids, zippy mouse droids, war-weary pilots and harried technicians struggling with fueling hoses or damaged astromechanicals. Alone.

But as Reina entered the Antilles quarters she was startled to find Wedge at home in the middle of the day. He'd been waiting for her.


	2. Chapter 2

_I felt it necessary to rework this chapter as it was too choppy._

_Please, somebody, read & review... _

_Reina _

* * *

"Wedge, honey, what are you doing here?" 

Reina dropped her bags at the entrance to their small but well-appointed quarters. She tumbled forward as she tripped over two pairs of his boots lying in wait for her, beside the door.

Wedge was laying on the sofa, propped up on pillows and covered in a thin, lint-beaded, gray blanket, one that Reina had been trying to get him to part with since they had married. Sitting up slowly, he looked at her from over the back of the sofa.

"I live here, remember?"

Reina rested her fingers lightly on his forehead. He didn't have a fever so she playfully ran her fingers through his thick, dark hair.

"Are you not feeling well, darling?"

The blanket that had been covering him slipped from his bare chest as he moved painfully into a sitting position. Reina gasped at what she saw.

"What happened?"

Deeply hued, days old bruises painted his left upper arm and shoulder spreading across and down onto his chest. She noticed a separate set of unsightly bruises over his ribs, lurking just under the sling binding his left arm securely to his chest.

"Shoulder dislocation. Cracked ribs".

Reina winced at the mention of it while trying to make sense of what she was seeing.

"What! Are you all right?"

She inelegantly made her way around the couch to sit beside him, jostling him slightly as she sat down. Wedge groaned and grumbled. Reina lightly stroked his cheek and leaned forward to kiss him meeting warm, tight, chapped unresponsive lips. Not the lips of the man she knew to be as passionate with her as he could be deadly to his enemies. Slowly, she mischievously traced two fingers along the thin trail of downy hair bisecting his muscular midsection, letting her fingers slip under the waistband of his sleep pants until his right hand came down firmly on hers preventing her from going any further. When she tried to kiss him again she received a sharp rebuke from Wedge to mind his shoulder when her hand carelessly slipped near.

"Sorry!" she said, while sitting back and feeling somewhat reluctant to touch him again. "Shoulder dislocation? Broken ribs?" She gave him a sympathetic look. "Do you want to tell me this happened?" Reina was careful to observe his demeanor now.

"I fell."

"You fell?" She paused for more detail. "From where?"

"I was doing repairs on my X-wing. I fell."

"You fell from your X-Wing? Now, how did that happen?"

"I got…I was…I was distracted." He was fumbling for words as he tried to keep his temper. He wanted to say as little as possible.

Reina waited for him to say more, but it was not forthcoming. _Oh, the silent treatment_, she thought to herself. _So the topic is not open to discussion!_

At that point, she also noticed the raw, angry wound on his chin, obviously a very recent injury that had gone unmentioned.

"And how did you come by that?" she asked as she reached for his chin. Wedge turned his head sharply, jerking away from her hand forcefully as pain shot through his left shoulder, down into his arm and into his fingers. His color paled and he grimaced in pain. He could barely catch his breath. Beads of sweat began to appear on his face.

Reina rested her hand on this thigh hoping that was a safe place to touch him. She just wanted to comfort him.

"I wasn't going to touch you there. I just want to know how you got it. Sweetheart, what happened to you?"

"You always want to touch everything when I'm hurt!

"Of course darling, I am a healer. How can I make you feel better if I don't-"

"What does it matter, how I got it?"

She said softly, "It matters to me. Everything about you matters to me. I love you very much, Wedge."

Reina rubbed his thigh lightly and felt his muscles tighten through his sleep pants.

"Okay, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I can imagine that you're not feeling very conversational right now. Just let me know if there is anything I can do to help you feel better."

She slipped her hand into his. He squeezed it gently as she felt the knotted, ridged tissue of yet another recent injury. She thought better of asking him about it.

"I'm sorry to find you feeling so uncomfortable, my love." Reina paused thoughtfully, "You know, I could make some compresses that would ease the pain and bruising. I know that bacta is in short supply these days, but you needn't suffer any longer. It won't take long for me to—. "

"Don't bother! I had some bacta therapy and it's done its job. My meds and some shut-eye will do the rest." he said, closing his eyes. "Now, I really need to rest, Reina, please. I'm just so tired. Perhaps it's my meds. I'm not sure..." he mumbled as he began to drift off.

She spoke gently. "Okay, go to sleep but I'm here if you need me." When she got no response from him, she adjusted his ratty blanket over him and sat there looking down at him.

Wedge was out cold in mere seconds and soon began to snore and he looked exhausted. She understood how exhausting it could be to be in constant pain, but he had had bacta therapy. Although his wounds were not life-threatening, they had been very poorly treated. If she'd been around, she'd have seen that he received the very best care and all of the love and attention she could offer. She wondered why he had chosen to tough it out on the couch and not in their bed and she thought back to earlier times in their relationship.

Reina found out shortly after they married that Wedge had harrowing nightmares from time to time. They seemed to peak during downtime or when he'd been nursing an injury at home for a few days. He didn't just toss and turn and occasionally talk in his sleep, he yelled commands, maneuvers, names and designations and sometimes he even screamed himself awake. It took Reina a while to calm and console him afterwards but he always refused to talk to her about his terrors. It took longer for her to compose herself and gave her a terrifying peek into the starfighting life of the hero she'd married.

Wedge usually retreated to their sofa when the nightmares became too frequent or too disturbing, swearing that he slept better there. Reina only pretended to believe him. She suspected that he felt embarrassed by them, knew he'd refuse to talk about them and felt his concern that they upset her. He didn't like it when she fussed over him when he was having a bad night and she couldn't help but do that, so he'd head for the sofa, leaving Reina to endure a disturbed night in bed without him. She wondered how many nights he'd been suffering while she had been away.

Her mother had recently sent her a remedy for restful sleep, but she hadn't had a chance to try it on him before she left on her mission. _Tonight, I'll use the dry herbs to make a sleep pillow for him. Mother says it never fails. I can do that much for him, at least._

Leaning forward, she gently kissed him on the forehead being careful not to touch him anywhere else although she desperately wanted to just be able to hold him in her arms.

Reina went back to pick up her duffle and had the chance to take in their place, as if for the first time. It was almost unrecognizable.

Dirty dishes, holding the ossified remains of unidentifiable meals were everywhere, except where they should be. They were piled on the dining table, counter tops, coffee table and had even been left on the floor. Some of the mugs and drinking glasses looked as if they had been sitting around unwashed for weeks, judging from the rings of dried liquids left inside them. She inspected them with disgust as she shot a glance at her sleeping husband.

It looked as if Wedge had tried to sleep on every couch and rest in every armchair with pillows and blankets strewn about just as he had left them. Datapads were scattered all over the living room as well. She suspected that he had tried to take work home but couldn't get started. And if he'd managed to start anything, he couldn't bring himself to finish it. Four bottles of pills sat prominently on an end table, within his reach, on the only surface not covered with something completely inappropriate and now unrecognizable in its unnatural state. Reina stared at the pills, confident that he wouldn't continue to need them now that she was back.

Walking apprehensively towards their bedroom and through the rest of their quarters, she shuddered at the thought of what it would look like, as she swung the door open tentatively. It was a disaster area centered on an unmade bed of twisted and soiled bed linens, littered with empty food containers, coverless pillows, soiled towels, thawed bags of ice and even more datapads. Her plants and herbs hadn't been watered and most appeared already dead. The ones that weren't, looked as if Wedge had personally tried to choke the life out of them, branch by branch and stem by stem. On the floor, lay the discarded high fashion of the injured and homebound: crumpled sleep pants and tops, balled up socks, old bandages, tape, and heaps of damp towels. She'd asked him to take care of everything before she left but he'd clearly neglected everything in their quarters. This was not like him at all.

Reina cleared a space to sit on the edge of their bed to think for a moment while she pulled off her boots. _The nightmares are probably back and I haven't been around to take care of him. He's injured and unwilling to give me the whole story. Something's very wrong. It's not just the injuries. He's been badly hurt before. It's something else. Something I saw in Tycho's eyes, but what? I could just ask Tycho, of course, but if there was a story to tell, he wouldn't talk either…out of a loyalty to Wedge or under threat from him. Flyboys stick together. _

Wedge had put and end to idle chatter with the guys long before they were married. She'd had to blackmail Janson to get him to open up. He finally confessed that Wedge had made it clear that not only was Reina "off limits", it was as Wedge had put it, "No longer in anyone's best interest to exchange anything other than trivialities with her, so no tales of Wedge's premarital adventures, real, imagined or hyped, no gossip, no rumors, no details, no flirting, no joking, no visiting, no gawking by the side of the swimming pool in lusty admiration, etc, etc, etc."

As their relationship became more serious and Reina noticed the change, she tried to address it with Wedge, but he denied it, wondering why she'd want to pal around with a bunch of wayward flyboys when she had him. He seemed to relax his position a bit once they were married, but the guys remained cautious. _Tycho knows something!_

In frustration, Reina kicked at pile of clothing left on the floor and jammed her big toe into the business end of a sharp pair of scissors buried in the pile. _Searing pain!_ She immediately inspected her toe. The point had gone just under her nail. It hadn't penetrated the skin fortunately, but the pain was intensifying rather than subsiding. She moaned and wondered how he could have been so careless. It was a while before the pain began to subside and she could think straight.

Her fingers were immediately covered in a cool dampness as she reached for the scissors hidden under the crumpled pants and shirt. She turned over the pile of clothes and felt her stomach heave when she saw that the shirt and pants were damp with blood – fresh blood – Wedge's blood. She sat back down on the edge of the bed to examine them. There was blood all over the front of both pants and shirt. She guessed it was from the wound on his chin. _But how did you get the_ _wound on your chin? _There was a deep gash where he'd split his chin open and unlike his other injuries, it had apparently happened this morning. She balled up the blood-soaked clothing and tossed it in the corner. She felt herself shiver, not simply because of the chill in their bedroom.

She sighed heavily as she put her duffle down on their loveseat. "Welcome home Re!" she mumbled to herself as she began picking up here and there. _It would have been nice to just hear him_ _say that much._

Reina found one of Wedge's old overshirts and a pair of her old leggings to wear - something to disguise the extra pounds she'd gained.

She decided to use the time to clean up the place while he slept, being as quiet as she could, knowing it was best to let a cranky, sleeping Rogue lie. She had important things to discuss with him and she wanted him in as good a mood as possible.

Reina had cleaned up their bedroom and was almost done making up their bed when Wedge opened the door and walked in.

"You're up! Good. The bed's ready and waiting for you whenever you want it".

As she finished smoothing down the covers, she glanced in the mirror and she could see him standing there skulking, leaning up against the dresser with his good arm cradling his injured one. He was staring at her intensely, his desire tempered by bitterness, being far too quiet for comfort. His mood was making her feel uncomfortable. Was that what he wanted?

Was he mad about not being clued in about her expedition? It was a need to know mission and he did not need to know all the details although she was certain he'd find out if the mission seemed in jeopardy. It was also delayed because of unexpected and dangerous meteor storms that impeded communications and damaged the ship, delaying her return. He rarely returned home exactly when he thought he would but she certainly never greeted him like this when he'd been away for any length of time.

Was he simply feeling depressed and vulnerable– like a winged raptor, a bird of prey now unable to take flight from other predators? Was it something else, perhaps something too painful to talk about at the moment? A fallen colleague or..._no, it can't be_ _that. He can't possibly know about that!_ _Perhaps he's just mad about his arm._ _What really happened there,_ _anyway?_ _Fell from your X-Wing? Sure, and Tatooine is the bright center of the universe!_

In the hope of lightening the atmosphere and calming her anxieties about her husband, Reina asked, "Would you like to hear about my remarkably successful, brilliantly commanded first space expedition?"

He said in a deep, raspy tone "Isn't there something else you want to tell me about, Reina?"

"Well, yes, I suppose I didn't tell you everything about the mission." Her stomach tightened.

Wedge snapped. "I'm not talking about your mission! But, we will discuss it and the unnecessary risks you took later. When were you planning to tell me that you're pregnant? Just how long were you planning to wait? Why am I apparently, the last to know?"

Reina suddenly felt unsteady on her feet for a moment as she tried to think of what to say next.

Now, she understood his mood more clearly. She needed to sit down so she sat down on the loveseat beside her duffle as if it would protect her.

"How did you find out?" she asked weakly. It was all she could think of to say.


	3. Chapter 3

Please, please, please read & review!

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"How did I find out? How did I find out?" Wedge asked rhetorically, repeating himself for emphasis. "From Mirax, all of Rogue Squadron, friends, enemies, strangers, droids, my mail... His voice trailed off as he took a painful deep breath. "It seems that everyone knew before my wife chose to tell me!"

Reina stood up and walked over to face him. "Wedge, I didn't mean for you to find out that way. I wanted to tell you earlier, as soon as I found out, but-"

"But what, Reina? You're four months pregnant! You've known for some time. You certainly knew before you left."

She was shocked that he knew how far along she was. He read it in her face.

"Yes, I know that too. Your doctor was not compliant at first, but I eventually brought her around to my position – I made her tell me!"

Reina shuddered at the possibilities behind the imagery of his statement. She gestured for him to sit next to her on their bed, but he wouldn't budge from his perch on the dresser. She held out her hands to him, but he refused to reach for them in return.

She sighed. "Actually Wedge, I'll be a full 16 weeks tomorrow. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, first thing."

"At what time?" he said with concern. I want be there with you."

"It's at 0630. "

"We'll go together, then." This was said as if there was to be no room for debate, but he was just afraid that she would want to cut him out of something he really wanted to be a part of.

"That's good. I'd really like for you to be there with me. It'll be the first time I've seen the 3-D image."

"Oh, so you haven't done that yet?"

"I wasn't going to do that without you." Knowing this put Wedge at ease…somewhat.

"Are you…have you been all right, Rei? During your mission? Was everything OK…for you and the baby?"

"Yes, well, I think so. I'm feeling better now."

"What do you mean? What happened?"

"I got food poisoning along with about a third of the crew nearly three weeks into the mission. Our food refrigeration unit had been going offline and then self correcting. It wasn't noticed until some of us started getting sick. I couldn't hold anything down for days. We were dead in the water because I couldn't fly and so much of the crew was out of commission. We encountered the meteor storms just as I was able to keep something liquid down. Thank the Force for Arlen! He comes from a family of healers too and he was a great help to me. I don't know what I would have done without him. He helped me get through-"

"Arlen!" Wedge growled. "It's obvious to me just how much he'd like to help himself to-"

"Honey, he's a childhood friend, but that's all. His friendship has been a great comfort to me. When you see him next, be sure to thank him for what he did for me and the rest of the crew. I don't know if we all would have made it back here, if it wasn't for him!" Reina was weary of the tension between the two men. They both seemed to go out of their way to antagonize each other, from time to time. She found it exasperating and beyond comprehension.

There was a long strained silence between the two. Then, they both started speaking at the same time. But, Wedge continued on, drowning out his wife. "So, just how many people did you tell?" He obviously wasn't ready to let this go yet.

"I told my parents, of course and my little sister Sera. I told Winter, but she swore secrecy. And Luke-"

"You told Skywalker before you told me!" Wedge was getting angry again.

"I actually didn't have to say anything to him. I'd only found out the day before your lifeday celebration. At the time of your party, only my doctor and I knew. Luke came over and took my hand and asked me to dance. When he touched me he smiled and told me that he felt there was something very different about me. I burst into tears because I knew that he knew that I was pregnant. He took me away from the crowd to talk. I told him that I hadn't told you and that I was considering not telling you until after my mission. He said that he understood and would keep my confidence until he heard the news from you."

Reina left out the part where Luke told her that he had a very bad feeling about it. He thought it would be best if she told Wedge before she left for her mission, feeling certain that Wedge would not interfere. Reina argued that she knew better.

"Yes", Wedge said. "I remember. I got up to look for you since you were not holding court on the dance floor. I spotted you with Luke across the hall. You looked like you were very upset and he was consoling you-holding both of your hands. I wanted to go over to you, but something made me think better of it. Luke is one of my closest friends. We've been there for each other countless times. I felt you were in good hands, but it bothered me. I didn't think about it until the end of the night when Arlen decided to get friendly with me. He made a comment about you and Luke and I just wanted to deck him. Oh, that Luke-is he ever going to hear it from me!"

"Please leave Luke out of this. It wasn't his place to say anything."

"Right, that responsibility belonged to you, my wife."

"Okay, okay, Wedge." Reina raised her hands in mock submission. "Look, I also told my cousin, Tasmina, no doubt the original source of the leak. She probably told Wes. They seem to have started a relationship. I should have known better. She talks too much. "

"No, you just should have told me! Even if I wasn't the very first to know, even if you didn't want to tell me first, you should have told me before you left."

Wedge sighed heavily, running his fingers through his hair with his one good hand. For someone on a medical leave, he looked exhausted and judging by the way his pants fell away from his hips, he was much thinner than when she'd left him. He started pacing back and forth as he spoke, not looking at her, but gesturing for emphasis.

"I was checking my mail two weeks ago when I got the news from Mirax, congratulating us", he gritted his teeth on those last two words. She had heard from your cousin Tasmina when they met up at an art auction. Mirax also came across Ooryl while he was on assignment and shared the news with him. Then there were the perfect strangers, even new recruits who stopped to congratulate me. And the droids!" He stopped to look at her. "I should not have had to hear it from droids, Reina."

He paused for emphasis in the way that commanders learn to do when reprimanding subordinates, giving them time to reflect on the consequences of their behavior and the disruption and difficulty it has caused. For Reina, this was her husband's most annoying trait. It was the one other thing she wanted him to lose besides his tatty old blanket.

"It put me in a very awkward position. Every time someone would ask me when the baby was due I had to just say that it was our little secret, because I had no idea. I had no idea at all when my own child would be born! Then, I began to wonder if it was really true. Suppose it was a big rumor and when you came back, I found out that was indeed the case. So, I had to speak with your doctor. She, of course, believed that it was a breach of doctor-patient confidentiality to tell me anything, in spite of the fact that I am your husband."

Wedge mocked the doctor perfectly. "If you can't get your wife to tell you something of such a deeply personal nature, don't expect me to do it for her. Could it be that she's taken issue with your rash Corellian nature?" And she gave me that condescending glare and I…I had to…I felt I had to…oh, never mind."

Reina cringed at the thought of what he might have done. Obviously, in hindsight, it must be something he regrets…somewhat.

"What did you do?"

He refused to answer or look at her. This topic was not open to discussion either.

Perhaps his behavior in the medicalbay was the reason he was at home and not there right now. The doctor could hold her own in a fair fight and she'd dealt with his occasional intransigence before, as he was known to be a very difficult patient. Even the Em-Dee droids were pleased to see the back of him.

Wedge's agitation was making his shoulder hurt worse and it hurt Reina to see that he was in such pain, particularly because he would not let her comfort him. Nevertheless, he soldiered on.

"Then, I had to deal with people who were wondering why I let you go on this dangerous mission when you were pregnant. I've protected the lives of my pilots, friends and comrades with my skill and firepower. But you! No, you wouldn't give me a chance to do the same for you, would you?" Wedge paused for a moment as if to collect his thoughts while trying to overcome the pain he was in.

"Honey, I hope that you don't think that I don't love you or that I don't care about our baby because I-"

"I am not done here, Reina, and I didn't give you permission to speak!" he barked at her, completely forgetting himself.

"'Permission to speak', Captain?" Reina crossed her arms. "Please don't speak to me that way. I am not under your command, just married to you. It's important that you continue to understand the difference, Wedge, and that you remember to leave your rank at the door! I think we have had this discussion before." She spoke to him as if he had tested her patience for the last time before serious consequences would follow. "And why do you think that you need to yell. Is my hearing in question too?" She was dead-calm in manner and dead serious in intent. He knew to back off. The warning wasn't just in her words; it was in her body language as well. Han always used to joke with him that he would just shut Leia out when she got on his nerves, but he always heard her body language. He believed that it'd saved his life on more than one occasion.

Wedge continued on more thoughtfully, but without an apology. "After those meteor storms interfered with communications…I was very worried about you. The scout ships had found what looked like wreckage consistent with the metal hull plating of your ship. I had wanted to try to find you myself, but I wasn't able to fly. I thought that I might never see you again. I thought that I'd never get to see my child born. Those were the three longest days of my life…until we heard from you again. He paused again and turned to look at her.

"Then, when I was briefed about the extent of your mission, I was furious at you. Joyriding through the galaxy to collect roots and rocks in contested space! And in the "Rig"! His escalating anger and pain left him almost breathless, but still he kept going.

"I was working on my X-wing. Mynock kept badgering me about you and the baby when I didn't want to talk about it. I threatened to erase his memory and I climbed out of the cockpit to complete repairs, but my mind was elsewhere. I was so distracted that I forgot about the hit I'd taken near the hatch's seal. The metal was razor sharp, but easily avoidable if I'd been paying attention. I sliced this hand to the bone with the lightest touch. Then I lost my footing and fell. I landed on my shoulder and cracked my ribs on the spanner in my jacket pocket." He opened his and for her to see and touched his ribs gingerly.

"News was probably half way across the galaxy before I knew anything of it and that was simply wrong of you Reina and you know it."

He paused to look at her.

Reina sat, thinking. _Is he just setting up for a strafing run on me or is the worst over? _ _We still have yet to discuss the 'details' of my mission_.

"You're awfully quiet. Ranat got your tongue, darling?" he said with a bitterness she'd never heard from him before. "I'd really like to hear what you have to say. Did you consider me at all when you made your decision not to tell me anything?"

Wedge was standing with a hand on his hip and his agitation was continuing to build. But, Reina refused to be intimidated by someone with his arm in a sling, who had fallen from his own vessel, who could not court-martial her, who definitely was skating on thin ice by continuing to speak to her in command mode. She had no legitimate defense that would be acceptable to Wedge. But she did have her reasons for not telling him sooner. For the moment, it didn't appear that he would even try to understand.


	4. Chapter 4

Wedge started pacing again, while cradling his arm. Was his pain driving his agitation or was his agitation driving his pain? Reina couldn't tell.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why did I have to hear about this from other people…from strangers? Why didn't you want me to know…to find out? Reina, is there anything else I should know about? Is there something else you've kept me in the dark about all this time? I want you to tell me. If there's anything, anything at all...you need to…" He stopped because the implications of what he'd just said were too painful to express. He'd had too much time to lie about fretting and contemplating all the different possibilities while she was away. Worry had been gnawing away at him for far too long.

Reina could see the hurt and anguish in Wedge battling each other, goaded on by the pain of the inflammatory response ablaze in his shoulder. She knew that this would not be easy.

"I wanted to tell you as soon as I knew I was pregnant. I truly did, but-"

"But what, Reina!"

"If you'd just give me a chance! Come here and sit down." She patted the bed next to her.

He refused. "I don't want to sit down. I just want you to explain yourself."

"Fine," she said coolly, "I will. But, please, Wedge, come here and sit with me and let me explain. Come on, honey, please." she urged gently. She held out her hand to him and he took it and sat down close to her. She didn't let go of his hand once she held it.

"I had my reasons for not telling you. I hope you'll understand. Please try to understand. I didn't even suspect that I was pregnant for the first several weeks. I had been so busy planning for the mission, juggling the demands of a hectic schedule and working a lot of late nights while trying to make time for you before I left. You remember what it was like and how crazed I was and all the great advice you offered me."

Wedge nodded.

"When I found out, I was nearly two months along in the middle of planning for the mission,I was stunned. One of us obviously wasn't keeping up with his family planning arrangement. I certainly didn't plan to get pregnant at that time. It wasn't even in the back of my mind. I thought we both intended to wait quite a while longer before starting a family, as we discussed before we were married. And I thought you would be careful; you promised me you would. Can you imagine how I've been feeling about having a baby right now? I'm…I just don't feel ready. And just as things are really taking off in my career and I have earned the right to be able to pursue my interests and abilities to the fullest, I'll have to put it all on hold. Have you given my feelings and position any consideration at all?"

In asking Wedge this, she wasn't angry with him. She was, instead, deeply disappointed in him for breaking his promise to her. Wedge broke eye contact, but the fact that he admitted nothing and didn't attempt to apologize was not lost on her. This made her feel incredibly sad, but she still loved him deeply in spite of that.

Reina kissed the tips of her fingers lightly and placed them over his in a gesture of tenderness.

"I know you, Wedge Antilles. If I had told you, you would have called in all your favors to prevent me from going on that mission in the first place. You'd have probably done it in such a way that I'd have never found out that you were directly behind it. A sudden shift in scientific funding or a change in tactical considerations; it would have been something with great legitimacy. Oh, I'd never have been able to trace it back to you, no matter what my suspicions and you would never have let on. I knew you alreadythought it was very dangerous and that, based on the limited info I'd provided you, you'd have done your own research and drawn your own conclusions about the usefulness of the mission. Wedge, I was certain you'd have never let me go and would have had me packed up and shipped off to my family immediately. I didn't want that to happen, so I didn't tell you. The mission was very important to me. I'd worked very hard to earn the privilege of leading it and I believed it was invaluable to the Alliance. I felt that I couldn't tell you, but I had to tell someone or I'd go crazy. I chose to tell those closest to me, besides you. Can you understand that? Yes, I should have told you, but I felt that I couldn't, under the circumstances. I'd worked and planned so hard. There were no unnecessary risks. Everything was executed as planned and very carefully calculated. Except for the meteor storms we-"

"Calculated? Calculated on what? Your fingers and toes!"

"Wedge, don't be insulting! You know how hard I worked on this project!"

"Right, of course." He said apologetically.

Wedge squeezed her hand and looked at her gently. "Reina, I had to make a vow to you, your family and your community on Chandrila that I would keep you safe. It was one of the many things I had to do to be worthy of you in marriage in the eyes of your people. Along with promising to keep you happy, I had to promise to keep you safe because I'd be keeping you away from your family. I mean to keep my word. I don't ever want you in harms way. I don't ever want to loose you or see you hurt. I just can't lose you, especially now. It's my responsibility to keep you safe and I mean to do whatever is necessary to fulfill it."

Wedge knew that Reina was right. There was no way that she would have left for that mission with his blessing in her condition, if he had known everything. She understood him well.

Reina stood up and folded her arms. She felt frustrated and anxious that he would not open his mind. She didn't want to leave him and she didn't want to give up her career. She didn't want to be separated from what she loved most. She turned her back to Wedge in a vain attempt to hide her emotions. It was a struggle to fight back the tears and steady her voice.

"Your promises and your inability to remain true to them, should not affect my career and commission, Wedge. I won't be chained to my lab for the sake of your promises. There's too much at stake." She turned and looked at him after she said it, while trying to blink her tears away.

Her tears affected him directly. "Reina, I'm your husband. It's my responsibility to protect you."

"Protect me, yes, okay, but not hinder me and not ask me to leave you because I am pregnant."

"I don't want to hold you back or have you leave, but what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to protect you?"

"Maybe, you can't. Not anymore." Reina said flatly.

"Don't say that!" Wedge was sitting on the edge of their bed holding his head with his eyes tightly closed looking like he had a powerful and very debilitating headache.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." he said unconvincingly, without changing position.

"You're not well. We're both exhausted. Why don't we talk about all this later? Perhaps, if we both give it a rest…and ourselves some rest...and you just let me take care of you…" She approached him and ran a soft, soothing hand across his good shoulder and down his arm.

But, he stiffened under her touch.

"So, what happens on your next mission?" Wedge wasn't ready to give in to the pain yet. He was still holding his head.

"I'll take my doctor's advice and use my own common sense, of course."

"Well, you'll certainly come up short using the latter, won't you? So, in the future my opinion won't count, as your husband and the father of your child? Is that what you're trying to tell me?" Wedge was now glaring at her.

Reina looked at him as if she'd just had an epiphany. "Okay, I get it now. This isn't about your opinion; it's about your EGO, isn't it?"

"My what?" Wedge asked incredulously.

"Your ego! I'm sorry your ego got bruised because of my decision not to—"

"This isn't at all about me or my ego. I am-"

"As egoistical as any other member of Rogue Squadron, only you won't admit it! Take note Wedge Antilles, parenthood is incompatible with an unacknowledged, overblown ego. The only exception to the whole lot of you is Ooryl. Now, he's a breath of fresh air."

"Funny that his name is coming up again!" Wedge felt a slight twinge of emotion when Ooryl's name was mentioned. He'd known that she was very fond of him and was certain that it was mutual. He'd studied the nature of their friendship before he decided that he wanted his relationship with Reina to become serious and exclusive. Reina had commented more than once that Ooryl barely spoke to her since she and Wedge started dating. It got no better after they were married. She'd mentioned that she'd missed his thoughtful companionship a great deal, hoping that Wedge would do something about it. He never did.

"What is that supposed to mean? He's humble and honorable, very attractive traits in both a mate and in a friend."

"Well, that's too bad for you, isn't it, Reina? I'm sorry that I'm not feeling humble and honorable this morning." Now, he was mimicking her. "If that's what you feel you need, why don't you just leave and go to him right now!" Wedge barked at her. He had a splitting headache now. His head was pounding out a rhythm out of step with the throbbing in his shoulder. His stomach was upset too and now he really was beginning to feel ill – far more ill than upset with his wife.

Reina stood with her hands on her hips, speaking aggressively. "Oh, yes, and bruise your ego further, perhaps to the point of deflation? How I'd love the opportunity!"

"That seems to be something you're capable of becoming very good at!"

"Oh, so you're admitting that you're an inconsiderate, self-absorbed, patronizing, egotistical-"

"Reina!" Wedge growled.

He felt as if he was about to loose control. The pain, the argument and his emotions were too much. Ever since she'd walked through the front door, it had been all too much! He felt sick to his stomach. He turned, storming out of their bedroom, slamming the door behind himself so hard that it bounced back open again. Reina went forward to shut it gently.

She was heartbroken. Arguing with Wedge was always painful and this was the most painful discussion they'd ever had. Her body actually started to ache from it. It was the last thing she wanted and would have expected when she got home.

They were both tired. He was cranky and expressing pent-up feelings, having had too much time to focus on his injuries and anxieties. She found his behavior disappointing in the extreme. They were saying things to each other neither could really mean nor believe.

In the past, after they'd made up, they would discuss that it was better not to fight, since harsh words could not be taken back. But as long as there was room for forgiveness in their relationship, there was no reason they could not get through this.

_If we can just get past this, we can get through anything. _Reina thought to herself.


	5. Chapter 5

Wedge stormed off into the living room, snatched his pills from the end table and headed for their long galley-style kitchen. His hand was shaking badly from the pain he was in and as he popped the top of the bottle with his thumb, several more of the brightly colored speckles than needed flew out of the bottle, bounced off the counter and onto the floor. He cursed under his breath as put the two he needed in his mouth and reached for a glass of water.

They were quick-acting pills, the next best thing to bacta these days which was now in short supply. He sat down on the couch, shoving his blanket aside. He slowly leaned back, closing his eyes as he cradled his arm while trying to calm his thoughts and will the pain away until the pills began to take affect. It took at least 10 minutes for the burning-throbbing pain in his shoulder to subside and his stomach to calm along with it. Arguing with Reina aggravated both him and his pain._ Funny_, he thought, _not only is she the cause of my injuries, she's the cause of my pain too. It wasn't this bad until she got home!_

Reina thought it best that they went to their neutral corners and stayed there a while. She retreated to hers, the refresher. Too bad it wasn't't like what she had at home. There, she would have drawn herself a relaxing herbal bath, surrounded herself with flickering, scented candles and soft music, all behind a locked door. There, she would have stayed until she felt composed again, however long it took. She assumed Wedge was probably in his place of retreat.

It was only after her shower that she noticed there wasn't a clean towel anywhere to be found. She had to come out with her hair dripping wet and her body chilled to find a wrap to put on instead. This did not endear Wedge to her. Their sleep quarters were cold, unlike the rest of their unit. But she remembered, it wasn't something that ever troubled her when they were in bed together, generating enough heat to warm an abandoned space station.

After she was dressed, warm and dry, Reina went back to unpacking and finished cleaning up their bedroom. She tended to her plants and herbs that ringed their bedroom and hung in front of their port window. She remembered why she had hung them there. It was a compromise of sorts. Wedge liked the lights on and the window uncovered. He didn't care if the whole galaxy saw him making love to his wife. Reina was afraid of them becoming the main feature in a sordid holovid, so she hung the plants to obscure prying eyes, cameras or pranks by anyone else who knew his preferences all too well. Working with the plants made Reina feel calmer but when she accidentally knocked over a pitcher of water she'd left on the dresser, she had to go into the kitchen to get something with which to clean it up.

There, she found Wedge trying to make himself something to eat, one-handed, between the stacks and stacks of clean dishes,mugs and glasses she was planning to put away later.

"Why don't you let me do that for you?"

Wedge didn't bother to look up as Reina entered the kitchen. "I am perfectly able to do it myself. Been doing so just fine while you were away."

Reina's heart sank at his comment. He's still angry.

As Reina breezed past him, Wedge suddenly caught the delicate scent of her perfume. He remembered it was the one she wore at their wedding ceremony and celebration on Home One. They had had a traditional bonding ceremony on Chandrila the week before. When they returned, they both wanted to be married and celebrate with all of their friends and colleagues. In an instant, his mind flashed back to that night and what she was wearing at the celebration... a beautiful silver-iridescent form-fitting gown reminiscent of the traditional dress of the women from her region of Chandrila. The reminiscence was in the material's ability to fool the eye. The dress looked sheer, diaphanous to the eye, especially the male eye, but it wasn't. However, that dress could keep a guy staring and imagining, distracting him from whatever was on his mind, as if anything really had been... He had spent a lot of time on the dance floor that night, holding her tenderly in his arms.

Wedge absentmindedly turned to follow her scent and catch a glimpse of Reina as she walked by while reaching across the counter for a napkin. But, instead, his hand swiped the towers of dishes Reina had stacked on the counter. As he tried to avoid the avalanche of dishes he had caused, he accidentally elbowed the stack of mugs, which tumbled into the glassware, sending shards of shattered glass in all directions across the kitchen floor. Wedge jumped back to try and avoid it all and fell against Reina who was behind him.

"Oh, Sith!"

"Wedge! You're a menace! How did you manage all that in the blink of an eye? Why didn't you just let me help you! You broke everything!"

"I didn't mean...It just happened."

He leaned forward to start picking up pieces of glass and he moaned and reached for his ribs.

"Don't! I'll get it. Broken glass. The last thing you need to do is hurt yourself again. And don't try to tell me how capable you are, because you're not right now. I wish you'd just let me help you."

"Why should I?" he said as he turned to face her. "Would you return the favor? You won't even give me a say in something that affects both our lives."

"Oh Wedge." Reina said softly as she heaved a mental sigh understanding that he wanted to pick up the argument again.

He looked her in the eyes and saw that she was hurt by his comment, not angry. He didn't want to hurt her. He didn't mean to hurt her.

When he started to take a step forward and she noticed his bare feet, Reina put her hand out. "Stop! Don't move or you'll cut yourself. I'll get your slippers. Look at this place. Look at this mess!" She left to get them and when she came back she was surprised to see him still standing there waiting for her. She helped him get his feet into his slippers and he made it over to their table precariously carrying both his mug and saucer in one hand. She was surprised that he did.

"Now, what am I supposed to do for our next dinner party?" Reina was bent over picking up the larger pieces of glass and mourning the loss. Wedge couldn't take his eyes off her. For the first time, he was noticing her new body. She'd discarded the loose-fitting t-shirt and leggings for the two-piece traditional style wrapdress she usually wore around their apartment, only it didn't fit in the same way. She was a lot more curvy now, everywhere! He liked what he was seeing.

"Just as well." he mumbled. "It's bad enough that I have to tolerate your poolside admirers at least now, I won't have to feed them too!"

"Wedge, stop it! I don't I deserve that!"

"Wedge gave her the look he always gave her when he knew he was wrong about something. He dropped his head a bit but not before he took in the beauty of her new figure again.

After she'd picked up a few of the larger pieces of glass and started sweeping up the rest, she noticed that there were shards of different glass pieces near the baseboards under the counters. He obviously had dropped some other things but wasn't able to sweep them up one-handed so he pushed them under the counter. It was a wonder that he hadn't cut himself before, but then she remembered that his feet were as tough as dewclaw hide and nearly as impenetrable. She looked up to cast him a sour look as she swept up the remaining glassware. But Wedge had been looking at her all along. He was silently admiring the new found curves showcasing in her tight lincloth wrap. As soon as his eyes met hers he looked away, but she knew that look when she saw it. She knew what it meant.

After she was done, Reina walked over to the table and sat next to him. She leaned over and kissed him gently on the cheek and placed both her hands over his before she started speaking.

"Wedge, honey, I really wanted to tell you and I almost did, the night before I had to go into quarantine. You held me all night long to comfort me. I was teary and couldn't sleep. You told me that I just had pre-flight jitters, but it wasn't the mission that was on my mind that night. I wanted to give you a say, but it was the thought of what you would do that made me reconsider. I am not going home, Wedge. I want to be at your side, always. My home is wherever you are."

"Or where ever your career takes you!" he said as he took the first and only bite of his sandwich.

She shook her head at him. "Would you just give up your very promising career because you were pregnant? Would you want to live separate from your spouse because you had children?"

"I'd be prepared to make that sacrifice to keep them safe, yes!"

"But, you can't guarantee my safety and that our our child, even on Chandrila. My place is with you Wedge, wherever that might be. Remember? 'You lead and I follow...'" She was recalling what she had said to him on their first date. Hoping that the sweet memory would soften his heart.

"Your presence here will be...is...in fact a distraction to me!" He was gesturing to his arm now. "Look at me. I can't fly like this!" He got up from the table to head for his neutral corner, his office.

"Note this and not it well!" she called after him. "Calling your wife a "distraction" does not hold the same charm it did before you married her. Don't blame your injury on me. If you fell from your X-Wing, a vessel I suspect you know more intimately than you do my own body, it was your own fault. Deal with it! But don't you dare blame me!"

Then Reina then decided to drop the bomb on Wedge. "Wedge, will you leave the Alliance for me and your baby? Just leave and we can go and live on my home world, perhaps out of harms way, I don't know. You could go back to school and study to become an architect as you once wished; I would work as a healer and tend to you and the baby. She followed him when he failed to give a response.

Wedge had already escaped to his small office just off the living room where he kept some of his pilot gear that didn't fit his lockers, spare parts, tools, weapons, mementos, medals and his work out gear. After hearing that question he had decided that he was going to escape to the gym... on the double. Reina was leaning in the doorway with her arms folded. She never entered as she felt it was his private space. But seeing her standing there left Wedge feeling cornered, both by her presence and her question. There was no safe way out from either. He felt cornered, yes, but also outmaneuvered, outmanned, outgunned and he knew that as far as she was concerned, in the wrong. Surrender would be wise, but he wouldn't do that.

"Kreyt dragons and Ranats, Reina! You're not me and I am not you. We're different people who as a consequence of the choices we make, or can make, have very different responsibilities." he mumbled.

She said nothing in response but remained in the doorway standing with her arms folded. His inability to answer the question, provided the, "Hell no!" he would have given her, if he had been honest.

"Wedge, don't ask me to do what you would not. Being married to you has never been easy, it's a hard life. I suppose it's only a few notches easier than being you, yourself. When you're away from me, I worry about you constantly. And when you're with me, well, I worry about how long I'll have you and when you'll be called away on a mission. If you get called away will you come back safely? Will you be captured and tortured to death because of who you are, what you know, your high profile and the price on your head? Will you be publicly humiliated; your dignity denied? Will you be injured, suffer and die somewhere never to be found so that I will never know if you are dead or alive and imprisoned? If you get imprisoned, I may never know and you would suffer a fate forever unknown to me. Will you die alone somewhere where I'll never get to be at your side to hold your hand as you take your last few breaths? When we have children will they be safe or will they have a price on their heads too? Will it be any Antilles instead of just Wedge Antilles? Is my family on Chandrila in jeopardy because I married you? Am I in jeopardy? I think about this all the time Wedge, so I understand how you feel, but this is the life we chose. Don't ask me to turn my back on it now. I can't do that either. We both need to work to make the old Empire safe for our children – all children. I can't help achieve that from the gentle rolling hills of my homeworld. I can't just back out now. My world has gotten a lot bigger since I married you and my courage has had to grow to accommodate it. I just can't go backwards now. Please don't expect that of me. Don't want that for me. Let me be the person I am for you because I can't be the person I once was."

He was silent as he continued packing and awkwardly changing out of his sleep pants and into his workout clothes. But he was listening and moved by her words. And he was thinking of how much she reminded him of his mother. He could imagine his mother and father having a similar tough discussion. Then he remembered…_Mom didn't't leave when dad urged her to. I ended up loosing them both. If only she'd done as dad asked, just that one time, perhaps I would have still had her around today. And my sister...she ran off and left us. With all the intelligence I have access to I haven't been able to find her..._

All he ever wanted to do was make Reina happy. He truly felt he could do this when he asked her to marry him, in spite of what others had told him. Now, she was telling him that he could never do it. _How could she ever be happy and feel secure with me? I didn't know she felt this way_. A hollow darkness filled his spirit; the overwhelming feeling of loss was shrouding him once again, making him feel anxious and overwhelmed.

"Have you heard a word I've said?"

"Yes, every word, Reina." Wedge said, avoiding eye contact.

"Then maybe it's true what they say about all that ice water coursing through your veins!"

Stopping to look at her as he grabbed his bag to go, he said, "That was a low blow Reina. So tell me,do you think I am a coward too? If you were meaning to hurt me, you succeeded brilliantly, as you do in everything."

She could see that she really had hurt him with her comment. "I'm sorry. That wasn't my intent. I don't want to hurt you; I just want you to talk to me. Please stay. Be with me, please." she added softly.

"I have to go." he stated unemotionally. "Being at the gym will do me some good."

She looked very disappointed. "Oh, I was hoping that you would want to stay here…with me. Be with me." She backed out of the doorway to let him pass.

Wedge slipped his good arm into a warm up jacket and pulled the other side over his injured shoulder, not bothering with his sling. He then headed for the front door.


End file.
